DREAM

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Agnes Cecile’s World of Watercolor

Just as I had imagined

The feeling was just as ecstatic

For so long I ached

How I wished I could catch a glimpse

If not in sight then in my sleep

My dear beloved

The days have been rugged

I’ve tried my best to toughen

But I’ve failed myself numerously

Your presence I so much seek

Your absence I seldom need

Even a peek for my spirit to indulge

Finally the day so long awaited

You came to me in a way not expected

You smiled at me like we’ve met in antiquity

The words you spoke to me in perpetuity engraved

My eyes could see through your blinkers

Your smile could tell what I couldn’t

Your nerves at war I could sense

Oh dear me

My beats at heart can’t slack

My long time wish just happened

My days will now not seem so rugged

My cherished

Thank you for granting my wish

Indefinitely I’ll reminisce this

In my prayers you’ll never cease to exist

In my heart you’ll hold the vast piece

Let’s meet again I plead

I will wait for as long as you need

Till next time, my King.

~Maryann❤

Truth

I wish I knew

I wish I had spoken my mind

I wish he’d tell me

I wish she’d be more open

I wish I wish I wish

Endless wishes with no finale

Exactly what happens when the truth is concealed

For the best or the worst

We decide depending on what could be lost

Or what could be gained

Till hell eventually breaks loose

But life is a scary mystery

How in the world the truth emerges

The source being the obvious

Humans being humans

The mistakes

Actions and words

And suddenly everything is as clear as widowed sky

The result is tragic

If not tragic, the complete opposite

Why do we hide it?

Wouldn’t it be easier to reveal and deal?

Wouldn’t it be easier to hurt and heal?

Wouldn’t it be easier to hear and feel?

Just as soon as it should be

The earlier the better

From the horses’s mouth even best

The agony is less

The joy fills the space

Otherwise very stabbing if kept among the shadows

After the reveal comes the free

A kind of free that’s peaceful

The kind of free I will always demand

Tell me you don’t love me

I will learn to love myself more

Tell me what’s with the lies

I will learn not to loathe you

Tell me you don’t like my choices

I’ll then consider your doctrine

Tell me you cheated on me

I’ll leave you to exhaust your carnal desires till doomsday

Tell me you love me

I’ll appreciate your very being if you mean it

Tell me what’s real

The rest is up to me

Time is a gem

Both mine and yours

The wishes need to stop

The relations need to grow

The truth needs to flow

For me

For you

Us.

~Maryann❤

The Feels

I woke up

Just like every other day

I dolled up real good

My bun on fleek my face on some natural beat

Red lipstick on for some heat

My earphones with me to lock me out of the real

On my way to take a stroll by myself

To get a glimpse of the beauty above and around

And feel the breeze on my skin

Maybe get my stiff a little bit fit

Yes i did

Slow walks to nowhere in particular

The music so deep my smile could not resist

As well as my emotion as the reality set in

Things became clearer than I had known

So many things around me I never noticed

I looked around

I saw

I felt

The woman with a child on her back

Sleeping soundly like the world was extinct

The man selling roasted corn by the market

I couldn’t help but get a piece

The big machines filling up the road

And a bit of envy suddenly clouded in me

Yes I did

I heard

The siren from a far

The insults from the nearest

The silence from the heavy weighed

The cries of the younglings

The forced laughs from the tired

The hoots from the impatient

So much happening at once

So little to dare care

And there I was

Burying my mind deep in the rhythm

Having myself some me time

Grinding to forget everything ahead of me

But what do I know?

Different people

Different feelings

Different expressions

Different truths

Different battles

Life

Every being with one

Just one

I was seven songs in

Maybe the lyrics gave me those kinda feels

Maybe the breeze cleared off my heat

I am still not aware

But it felt refreshing

Unique

Real

And that was me

Taking it all in

Bit by bit

And still.

~Maryann❤

Heavy

Where exactly is it?

The longing keeps getting heavier by the day.

The sighing gets harder as well.

The not knowing is obviously the worst.

I feel sleepy in most parts of my days.

The only sure thing is my sadness.

I’m not even sure if it’s sadness.

But I’m sure it’s definitely not happiness.

The most unsure thing is when it’s gonna end.

The sadness I’m unsure about.

I’m usually really good at hiding it.

The remedy is my famous resting bitch face.

You’d never think I know about emotions.

But trust me I do, more than you think.

My mind has found a new friend.

Not really new, it shows up from time to time.

But now they’ve become really close.

It’s name is the very infamous ‘Mental Block’.

Nothing seems to make sense anymore.

The wondering is what I despise the most.

My solace is being in my own comfort zone.

The idea of being around people stresses me out.

I’m I complaining too much?

I’m I stressing over something so petty?

I obviously don’t think it’s light.

Otherwise I wouldn’t feel so heavy.

I mean my heart, my heart feels heavy.

You would never understand.

Maybe if you could fit in my shoes.

But you probably have bigger shoes.

And I have smaller feet.

But then again this is me, not you.

My struggles, my own.

Your struggles, your own.

That’s the difference between us.

The fact will never change.

My happiness, my own.

Your happiness, your own.

I’m struggling to find it.

And of course, so are you.

I feel like I’m not even close to nailing it.

I’m just breathing when I should be living.

Do you feel me?

Don’t you dare judge me.

Actually on second thought.

Judge all you possibly can.

You were probably doing it from the start.

Just one thing though.

I really care about my peace of mind.

So let me complain.

For now this is the only way.

It feels very therapeutic when I do it.

Who knows? I could find the answer.

The answer to the big question.

The question I can’t stop asking myself.

The question I’m the only one asking.

The question no one else seems to care about.

The question whose answer I unknowingly hold.

Where is it?

~Maryann❤

Mystery Woman

She’s not always an open book

You can never tell she’s who you need to look

Always quiet till you get her on to your hook

Usually loud when she’s with a friend or two

To some she may be a ten, I donno maybe a two

How to actually know not many figure how to

Oh well, curiosity makes them give a try or two.

《♡》

Why is she mad, some will always ask

Why is she sad, they keep asking like it’s a task

Why is she quiet, others wanna grasp

Why is she a loner, an answer few wanna have

Why is she this and that, people need to learn

If you wanna know and also just a curious cat

Stop being a wonderer, go to her and ask.

《♡》

“Maybe she likes fries or salad, both could do

Again maybe soul music is what she grooves to

Oh! She likes rythm and blues everyone does too

Or maybe I’m wrong what would she dance to?”

They can never tell she’s too hard to have a clue

She enjoys making them wonder; it’s crucial too

It makes it hard for people to try and fool.

《♡》

“Hey there, I’m Dylan, Ryan, Justin or Drew

Nice to meet you I’m really curious to know you

You’re very beautiful and you seem pretty cool

Can I get your number then a drink or two?”

“Hey there, I’m…” she tells them with a shy look

“Nice to meet you too and thank you

Here’s my number, just a cup of coffee or two.”

《♡》

The few that notice her get a chance or more

It all depends on how you come across

Trust that she can see through your flow

Whether smooth, rough or just tell and show

Not many know she’s knows hell and more

She’s mastered the art of real friends and foes

Be careful, she knows you’re a perfect don’t.

《♡》

She hopes for the real and the imperfect

With a past so astonishing that she could relate

With the know how on a deeply broken soul

And a personality so humble, not so very foul

She’s aware those are traits not easy to find

But she’s willing to try like it’s some sorta grind

Till she gives up because she’s not that blind.

《♡》

That’s the mystery woman not many know

Well maybe the face, the body and all that bore

Maybe the lucky girl will be her best friend

Maybe the lucky guy will be her best to come yet

I say lucky because she’s well aware she’s rare

If you roll with her it’s because she sees you well

That’s her beauty, the best mystery you can bet.

《♡》

~Maryann❤

Picture by: Victoria Stoyanova, 1968 ~ Scent of a Woman

Clueless

I didn’t sign up for this

I surely expected better than this

Being just a kid is what I miss the most

Life was so easy there could be no better times than those

Growing up was the trap I set foot on

Being in bed is when I’m the happiest with my covers on

How I wish it could get easier

But my dreams never cease to get bigger.

***

Alone in my thoughts is my new hobby now

Killing my insomnia I’ve not figured out how

The world is revolving too fast I can’t even keep up

Not a quarter of my goals have hope of ever being done

A whole folder on my phone of quotes to sooth my soul

It’s the only relief that makes me feel whole

But a part of me is still wishing

As I force myself to adopt praying.

***

I want to get rich by twenty six

Three years remaining and I still don’t have that niche

Don’t get me wrong I’m working in a routine job

The eight to five kinda thing I will always loathe

I do not fancy being under people’s control

I’m just being tolerant as I wait to be on a roll

And keeping my faith as I have always been told

Oh Lord my sighing gets harder as the days and weeks move on.

***

I crave adventures I can hardly forget

I crave a career I can never regret

I crave a love that can keep me awake

I crave a life that’s worthy of being a goal to get

How to get there is a road with no end

But I can’t seem to have any idea on the beginning yet

“What should I do?” I keep asking myself

But every day I wake with no clue to keep my heart at rest.

***

The twenties can be absolutely the hardest

Not because I’m so poor that I’m living in a nest

But being a young woman with a novel-long list of dreams

With no clue whatsoever on what step to take for the same to live

And social anxiety and fear of seeking a helping hand at least

And not enough paper to help you hold the wheel

And settling for whatever comes just to keep you at ease

Is not exactly as easy as many make it seem.

***

I feel tired just thinking about this

I want to live and feel like my days end with a mind full of peace

Inhaling and exhaling deep just to relax my nerves

When I feel like my world is heading to a dead end with all these stuff

Begging my God to shine a light at the end of my tunnel

Trying not to overthink that I can’t see and hence stumble

Taking things easy like one of my saved quotes says in one of my galleries

Having your shit together is not for the twenties.

***

~Maryann❤

Yet again…

I’m trying so much to understand, but why does it seem so hard?

I’m back just yet again, to dealing with this kind of horrible pain,

It’s so absolutely unfair, but then again life is never fair,

How is it that once again I’ve lost, and I’m back to being sad and sour,

It’s never really going to be easy, no matter how I try to not feel it.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

I’m not good at crying, but I can’t control this uncontrollable hurting,

I want to try and forget, but the memories are not close to being wanting,

What should I do then, to make it easier and not haunting,

I have no other choice, but to heal myself solely,

If I’m just patient enough, I’ll finally reach where I want desperately.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

See love is never easy, otherwise it would be so boring,

The fear of the unknown, makes it much more worth it,

Whether we like it or not, at some point we are going to have it,

Whether it’s ends so early, or it could last a whole century,

The only truth there is, we all want a taste of it.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Should I just give up, and never wait for the one I desire to show up,

Or should I just keep waiting, for the one I want to take his time arriving,

Or should I just look for him, until I exhaust my body from too much searching,

Or should I just lean on God, and wait for his blessing to come whole,

I think I should choose God, after all he knows exactly what my soul wants.

Now let me stop being too hard, on myself like this day is my last,

I’m going to cry when the tears come, and I’ll cry without feeling like I’m doing harm,

I’m gonna stare into space like I’m mad, and sigh so hard because I’m tired,

Where is that cake I very much love, red velvet is my new true love,

Moving on is my goal now, cheer me on because I’m going to win it all.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

To be honest with myself though, it was the best I’ve ever known,

I’m not sure if I’ll be this lucky, to get another love so endearing,

It was one of the best leaps, that my faith led me to believe,

I’m sure I’d have regretted not going all in, I chose to let life lead on it,

I’m proud of myself for real, how would I have known there’s something so deep?

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

The best things seem not to last, whether it’s fate or destiny I may never grasp,

They say that in life, which I know for sure it’s not a lie,

Everything happens for whatever reason, whether it’s forever or for a season,

I’m learning to embrace life’s events, good or bad to make my heart beat out of my chest,

But the truth in life’s case, love will always be the best.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

I’m too happy to have known you, it’s a beautiful heartache I’ll take in full,

Whether we meet in this life, or wait till in the next afterlife,

I’m so completely and much sure, I’d choose you over anyone with your heart so pure,

I’m still so young I can’t give up, I’m not too weak to let this cloud me up,

Gu Family Book taught me better, even an old shoe has it’s partner.

~Maryann❤

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems to be upset.”

~Saint Francis de Sales