Heavy

Where exactly is it?

The longing keeps getting heavier by the day.

The sighing gets harder as well.

The not knowing is obviously the worst.

I feel sleepy in most parts of my days.

The only sure thing is my sadness.

I’m not even sure if it’s sadness.

But I’m sure it’s definitely not happiness.

The most unsure thing is when it’s gonna end.

The sadness I’m unsure about.

I’m usually really good at hiding it.

The remedy is my famous resting bitch face.

You’d never think I know about emotions.

But trust me I do, more than you think.

My mind has found a new friend.

Not really new, it shows up from time to time.

But now they’ve become really close.

It’s name is the very infamous ‘Mental Block’.

Nothing seems to make sense anymore.

The wondering is what I despise the most.

My solace is being in my own comfort zone.

The idea of being around people stresses me out.

I’m I complaining too much?

I’m I stressing over something so petty?

I obviously don’t think it’s light.

Otherwise I wouldn’t feel so heavy.

I mean my heart, my heart feels heavy.

You would never understand.

Maybe if you could fit in my shoes.

But you probably have bigger shoes.

And I have smaller feet.

But then again this is me, not you.

My struggles, my own.

Your struggles, your own.

That’s the difference between us.

The fact will never change.

My happiness, my own.

Your happiness, your own.

I’m struggling to find it.

And of course, so are you.

I feel like I’m not even close to nailing it.

I’m just breathing when I should be living.

Do you feel me?

Don’t you dare judge me.

Actually on second thought.

Judge all you possibly can.

You were probably doing it from the start.

Just one thing though.

I really care about my peace of mind.

So let me complain.

For now this is the only way.

It feels very therapeutic when I do it.

Who knows? I could find the answer.

The answer to the big question.

The question I can’t stop asking myself.

The question I’m the only one asking.

The question no one else seems to care about.

The question whose answer I unknowingly hold.

Where is it?

~Maryann❤

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