Just a phase…

Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo

I was going to give this article a title like ‘Love’ or ‘Relationships’ but it seemed way too clichè to me. What I want to write about anyway is relationships and situationships. Love and relationships go hand in hand while situationships are just different and just wrong. I guarantee that like 90% (my statistics) of today’s generation, the 21st Century, somebody has been in at least one or two situationships or one or two relationships that lasted however long.

The 21st Century is the millenial era where all most young people care about is showing off on Instagram, getting likes and followers on Instagram, dating the hottest/coolest guys or girls just to show off, Snapchatting about clubbing nights with coolest crews and expensive booze in high level clubs, getting big butts and boobs… just to mention a few. I’m not about to shade anyone but this is the exact truth.

Lets talk about “ships” with regard to relations and situations. In this 21st Century, it is almost as hard as passing the bar exams, to find a lifetime partner. If you don’t know how hard it is to pass those exams, be woke 😁. In this era, some people get married at 40 just because The One is nowhere to be found or doesn’t want to be found because of their fake egoistic and narcissistic characteristics. I know this because well, I’ve had my share of failed “loves” and I have observed what people go through in these millenial relationships. I have seen some of my friends and just people generally, be in toxic relationships and others in stupid and destructive situationships. Some of the situationships actually begin with the friends-with-benefits belief or agreement until one of the two develops feelings for the other.

Bae Suzy, While you were sleeping

Situationships. It’s one of the worst norms adapted to these days. Most guys just want to have ‘baes’ to hang out with, drink, go for roadtrips, roast the broomstick; nothing more nothing less. Most of these guys are met in clubs, roadtrips or entertainment events. It’s no new story that a girl could go to a club, meet a cute/hot guy, the guy buys a few shots and cocktails, they start talking and they click, make out the whole night, exchange contacts and they both feel the excitement of ‘OMG! I hit the jackpot’, depending on their intentions. From then on the situationship begins, stupidity starts to kick in and the girl starts visualizing their long-term relationship with the guy and how much fun it would be. So the communication begins, the entire day and late night chats, the ‘Hi Baby’ calls become frequent; this happens within 2 weeks. The girl’s excitement gets worse and the long-term relationship becomes marriage, 3 kids and growing old together. The feeling is too good to be true that she can’t help but see the rest of her days on earth with the guy. So a meet up or two happen and finally she decides, he deserves it. So they do the hokey pokey. After doing the lust and thrust, suddenly the calls and texts become less and less everyday, they only come when he needs more grand slam. Then she decides to ask the big question, “What are we?” and the answer or no answer hits her like a nail on the head. She becomes so heartbroken, her “marriage” falls apart and she’s left thinking, ‘All men are dogs.’ I don’t like the comparison of such men to dogs, hyena is the go-to word. Dogs are freaking loyal that statement makes no sense to me.

Now lets talk relationships. 80% (again, my statistics) of the millenials don’t have a clue as to what relationships or love entail. Like I said, relationships and love go hand in hand. These are not like situationships, these are real relationships. The difference is, these kinda ‘ships’ are entered into either because Instagram people need to know the happiness and joy that one has lol, floss on the gram to be the ‘goals’ everyone should focus on, or influence from peers, or the fear of being lonely after seeing all those cute couple goals on the internet. Peeps in these kind of relationships can’t sit down and hold a simple conversation about life because they have nothing relevant to bring to the table. One finds themselves believing they’re in love with their partners, do wifely duties and use their savings to please the other. This is till one gets tired of the other and cheating begins, then the cheating comes to light and heartbreaks follow, pointless revenge tactics or conclusions on how ‘men are dogs’.

This feeling sucks

The same ships apply to guys as well. Millenial ladies just want well established guys who have money whether old or young, a nice beard, a buff chest, a car or cars, can take them to lunch or dinner to Brew Bistro or Tribe, go for a couple weekend trip to Watamu… just to name but a few. Again, no shade, just the reality. This will only hurt if the shoe fits.

I have been in such ships before, I have married and had kids with guys in my head (which is pretty laughable), I have wanted to have a rich guy date me, flossed on the gram etc. It’s part of being young and stupid. This is until I grew up and realized…jeez, I am too deserving of better. These relation and situationships are bad and good in certain aspects. They are bad in that they could affect one’s view on love and relationships, and good because you learn, A LOT, about what guys/girls to keep an eye on and those who should back-off.

The thing is, such experiences should be for JUST A PHASE. A phase where one wants to date hot and rich guys or babes, hang out with the baddest crews and be one of those popular kids. It gets to a point when one needs to grow up and choose who adds value to their life and who makes them better. Lucky are those who find true love while young and don’t know what toxic relationships and situationships feel like. Then there’s the rest of us who’ve seen the bad, the worse and the worst. I believe such decisions and mistakes are part of a phase of being young and reckless. Unfortunately, even in their 30s and 40s, some just want to act immature, young and stupid. For the young people, the above is inevitable but people should learn to make mistakes that don’t have a negative impact on somebody’s life or their own lives. It is normally said, better to be alone and happy than be with someone who makes you feel alone and depressed (something like that).


I certainly changed, became wiser and started longing for what makes sense, dating to marry kinda thing. I stopped focusing on looks and material things a guy could offer me and started looking more into what the guy’s character is and how he treats me, more like how I deserve to be treated; like the Queen I think I am.😁 It’s either you want me for the long run or be gone. For the most part, I realized not all guys are hyenas😉. I wish the ’80s kind of love would be reincarnated, which was more or less, the goals kinda love. It’s safe to say, it is best if you date/marry your BESTFRIEND, who is weird like you or weider, knows you in and out, wants you at your best and your worst, motivates you to follow your dreams, makes you a priority, makes an effort to make you a part of their lives and most of all, LOVES you. When the time comes and the children are older and married, you’re left alone with your significant other, you retire, both your sex drives become low… then you’ll have your friendship to hold on to and keep going, till death do you part. That should be more than enough.


I’ll stop here for now. Until next time.✌

Cheers! To finding what’s REAL.🍻🍾🍻

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