DREAM

love-relationship-couple-drama-art-watercolor-painting-portrait-splash-drip-splatter-paint-ink-art

Agnes Cecile’s World of Watercolor

Just as I had imagined

The feeling was just as ecstatic

For so long I ached

How I wished I could catch a glimpse

If not in sight then in my sleep

My dear beloved

The days have been rugged

I’ve tried my best to toughen

But I’ve failed myself numerously

Your presence I so much seek

Your absence I seldom need

Even a peek for my spirit to indulge

Finally the day so long awaited

You came to me in a way not expected

You smiled at me like we’ve met in antiquity

The words you spoke to me in perpetuity engraved

My eyes could see through your blinkers

Your smile could tell what I couldn’t

Your nerves at war I could sense

Oh dear me

My beats at heart can’t slack

My long time wish just happened

My days will now not seem so rugged

My cherished

Thank you for granting my wish

Indefinitely I’ll reminisce this

In my prayers you’ll never cease to exist

In my heart you’ll hold the vast piece

Let’s meet again I plead

I will wait for as long as you need

Till next time, my King.

~Maryann❤

Taking stock: July 2018

Hello everyone!

I hope so far 2018 has been good to you. For me, at this point, cha muhimu ni uhai (being alive is all that matters). Anyway, it’s been a while since I wrote anything that’s not poetry because poetry has become my new thing and I really like it. Putting my words in poetic form makes much more sense to me. So, I’ve decided to write a blog post on Taking Stock after planning on it for few months now.

Lets take stock!

Break habit: of sleeping late. I’ve been training myself to avoid my phone when it’s bed-time because, like many, I’m obsessed with my phone. Sleep is crucial to my well being and I want to have more sleep, more rest and less fatigue.

Create habit: of sleeping early. Also, reading books. It’s been ages since I read any book and so I’m trying to create a liking to books.

Enjoying: my own company. I’m not sure if it’s a phase or just part of growth, but I’m really liking my own company, a lot. No mood to go out; I find comfort in just staying indoors and watching a movie/drama, reading, writing or sleeping or shopping on my own. It never gets boring since I do what I enjoy doing.

Eating: Avocados. Everyday. With any meal.

Drinking: Lots of water. Hot chocolate at night because the weather is not close to being friendly.

Reading: “Into the magic shop: A neurosurgeon’s quest to discover the mysteries of the brain and the secrets of the heart” ~James R. Doty, MD

Wanting: a camera. Pairs of heels even though I can’t walk in them.

Playing: BTS Album, Love Yourself: Tear. Yes, I play it everyday. Why? Because it’s BTS people!

Wishing: I had money and more money. I need to travel to somewhere nice, anywhere. I need a vacation. I want a vacation. God, I know you heard me.

Following: Mr. Kate. FYI, Mr. Kate is a woman and she does really cool and epic decorations of people’s rooms and houses. Check out her Youtube and Instagram if interested, both @Mr. Kate. Also, Notjessfashion. Like the name says, her thing is fashion. Her style is to die for. Her Instagram, @notjessfashion.

Considering: having an art wall in my small house. After watching Mr. Kate I have been inspired to buy some frames and do some DIYs for the art. Also, transitioning to natural hair. These naturalistas are giving me life.

Celebrating: the gift of life and good health. Also, the success of BTS. For those that know me (if you don’t, it’s cool), their success is my happiness.

BTS at the BBMAs, 2018

Loving: Miss. Patricia Kihoro’s videos on the Cannes Festival that was held at France. Her editing skills are no joke. She met the celebrities we meet only in our dreams like Childish Gambino, Naomi Campbell and others. She’ll really get you to envy her existence and ask yourself nlikosea wapi (where did I go wrong).

Watching: Something in the rain. I’m watching it for the second time and will probably watch it again and again. Also, Love Island Australia. This is quite some reality show!

Something in the rain

Noticing: how Kpop (Korean Pop) is getting the recognition and love it deserves at a very fast rate, thanks to BTS. Not long ago I heard BTS’ Fake Love playing at a movie shop in Nakuru and my heart almost popped out of my chest. Be woke people. Music has no barrier.

Disliking: this generation’s view on love, marriage and relationships. We are heading to the pits of hell. I wonder how bad it’s gonna get 10 years from now.

Embracing: the fact that people will disappoint me at times. It’s better not to have expectations and just wait to be surprised. Also, hiding and blocking pain from being felt doesn’t make it go away. Accept pain, feel it till it’s no longer there.

Wondering: if I’ll move back to Nairobi and how soon.

Craving: Pizza. It’s been ages y’all.

Missing: my campus days. Good times.

***

That’s all for Taking Stock July 2018.

#LoveYourself ❤

Truth

I wish I knew

I wish I had spoken my mind

I wish he’d tell me

I wish she’d be more open

I wish I wish I wish

Endless wishes with no finale

Exactly what happens when the truth is concealed

For the best or the worst

We decide depending on what could be lost

Or what could be gained

Till hell eventually breaks loose

But life is a scary mystery

How in the world the truth emerges

The source being the obvious

Humans being humans

The mistakes

Actions and words

And suddenly everything is as clear as widowed sky

The result is tragic

If not tragic, the complete opposite

Why do we hide it?

Wouldn’t it be easier to reveal and deal?

Wouldn’t it be easier to hurt and heal?

Wouldn’t it be easier to hear and feel?

Just as soon as it should be

The earlier the better

From the horses’s mouth even best

The agony is less

The joy fills the space

Otherwise very stabbing if kept among the shadows

After the reveal comes the free

A kind of free that’s peaceful

The kind of free I will always demand

Tell me you don’t love me

I will learn to love myself more

Tell me what’s with the lies

I will learn not to loathe you

Tell me you don’t like my choices

I’ll then consider your doctrine

Tell me you cheated on me

I’ll leave you to exhaust your carnal desires till doomsday

Tell me you love me

I’ll appreciate your very being if you mean it

Tell me what’s real

The rest is up to me

Time is a gem

Both mine and yours

The wishes need to stop

The relations need to grow

The truth needs to flow

For me

For you

Us.

~Maryann❤

The Feels

I woke up

Just like every other day

I dolled up real good

My bun on fleek my face on some natural beat

Red lipstick on for some heat

My earphones with me to lock me out of the real

On my way to take a stroll by myself

To get a glimpse of the beauty above and around

And feel the breeze on my skin

Maybe get my stiff a little bit fit

Yes i did

Slow walks to nowhere in particular

The music so deep my smile could not resist

As well as my emotion as the reality set in

Things became clearer than I had known

So many things around me I never noticed

I looked around

I saw

I felt

The woman with a child on her back

Sleeping soundly like the world was extinct

The man selling roasted corn by the market

I couldn’t help but get a piece

The big machines filling up the road

And a bit of envy suddenly clouded in me

Yes I did

I heard

The siren from a far

The insults from the nearest

The silence from the heavy weighed

The cries of the younglings

The forced laughs from the tired

The hoots from the impatient

So much happening at once

So little to dare care

And there I was

Burying my mind deep in the rhythm

Having myself some me time

Grinding to forget everything ahead of me

But what do I know?

Different people

Different feelings

Different expressions

Different truths

Different battles

Life

Every being with one

Just one

I was seven songs in

Maybe the lyrics gave me those kinda feels

Maybe the breeze cleared off my heat

I am still not aware

But it felt refreshing

Unique

Real

And that was me

Taking it all in

Bit by bit

And still.

~Maryann❤

Heavy

Where exactly is it?

The longing keeps getting heavier by the day.

The sighing gets harder as well.

The not knowing is obviously the worst.

I feel sleepy in most parts of my days.

The only sure thing is my sadness.

I’m not even sure if it’s sadness.

But I’m sure it’s definitely not happiness.

The most unsure thing is when it’s gonna end.

The sadness I’m unsure about.

I’m usually really good at hiding it.

The remedy is my famous resting bitch face.

You’d never think I know about emotions.

But trust me I do, more than you think.

My mind has found a new friend.

Not really new, it shows up from time to time.

But now they’ve become really close.

It’s name is the very infamous ‘Mental Block’.

Nothing seems to make sense anymore.

The wondering is what I despise the most.

My solace is being in my own comfort zone.

The idea of being around people stresses me out.

I’m I complaining too much?

I’m I stressing over something so petty?

I obviously don’t think it’s light.

Otherwise I wouldn’t feel so heavy.

I mean my heart, my heart feels heavy.

You would never understand.

Maybe if you could fit in my shoes.

But you probably have bigger shoes.

And I have smaller feet.

But then again this is me, not you.

My struggles, my own.

Your struggles, your own.

That’s the difference between us.

The fact will never change.

My happiness, my own.

Your happiness, your own.

I’m struggling to find it.

And of course, so are you.

I feel like I’m not even close to nailing it.

I’m just breathing when I should be living.

Do you feel me?

Don’t you dare judge me.

Actually on second thought.

Judge all you possibly can.

You were probably doing it from the start.

Just one thing though.

I really care about my peace of mind.

So let me complain.

For now this is the only way.

It feels very therapeutic when I do it.

Who knows? I could find the answer.

The answer to the big question.

The question I can’t stop asking myself.

The question I’m the only one asking.

The question no one else seems to care about.

The question whose answer I unknowingly hold.

Where is it?

~Maryann❤

Mystery Woman

She’s not always an open book

You can never tell she’s who you need to look

Always quiet till you get her on to your hook

Usually loud when she’s with a friend or two

To some she may be a ten, I donno maybe a two

How to actually know not many figure how to

Oh well, curiosity makes them give a try or two.

《♡》

Why is she mad, some will always ask

Why is she sad, they keep asking like it’s a task

Why is she quiet, others wanna grasp

Why is she a loner, an answer few wanna have

Why is she this and that, people need to learn

If you wanna know and also just a curious cat

Stop being a wonderer, go to her and ask.

《♡》

“Maybe she likes fries or salad, both could do

Again maybe soul music is what she grooves to

Oh! She likes rythm and blues everyone does too

Or maybe I’m wrong what would she dance to?”

They can never tell she’s too hard to have a clue

She enjoys making them wonder; it’s crucial too

It makes it hard for people to try and fool.

《♡》

“Hey there, I’m Dylan, Ryan, Justin or Drew

Nice to meet you I’m really curious to know you

You’re very beautiful and you seem pretty cool

Can I get your number then a drink or two?”

“Hey there, I’m…” she tells them with a shy look

“Nice to meet you too and thank you

Here’s my number, just a cup of coffee or two.”

《♡》

The few that notice her get a chance or more

It all depends on how you come across

Trust that she can see through your flow

Whether smooth, rough or just tell and show

Not many know she’s knows hell and more

She’s mastered the art of real friends and foes

Be careful, she knows you’re a perfect don’t.

《♡》

She hopes for the real and the imperfect

With a past so astonishing that she could relate

With the know how on a deeply broken soul

And a personality so humble, not so very foul

She’s aware those are traits not easy to find

But she’s willing to try like it’s some sorta grind

Till she gives up because she’s not that blind.

《♡》

That’s the mystery woman not many know

Well maybe the face, the body and all that bore

Maybe the lucky girl will be her best friend

Maybe the lucky guy will be her best to come yet

I say lucky because she’s well aware she’s rare

If you roll with her it’s because she sees you well

That’s her beauty, the best mystery you can bet.

《♡》

~Maryann❤

Picture by: Victoria Stoyanova, 1968 ~ Scent of a Woman

Clueless

I didn’t sign up for this

I surely expected better than this

Being just a kid is what I miss the most

Life was so easy there could be no better times than those

Growing up was the trap I set foot on

Being in bed is when I’m the happiest with my covers on

How I wish it could get easier

But my dreams never cease to get bigger.

***

Alone in my thoughts is my new hobby now

Killing my insomnia I’ve not figured out how

The world is revolving too fast I can’t even keep up

Not a quarter of my goals have hope of ever being done

A whole folder on my phone of quotes to sooth my soul

It’s the only relief that makes me feel whole

But a part of me is still wishing

As I force myself to adopt praying.

***

I want to get rich by twenty six

Three years remaining and I still don’t have that niche

Don’t get me wrong I’m working in a routine job

The eight to five kinda thing I will always loathe

I do not fancy being under people’s control

I’m just being tolerant as I wait to be on a roll

And keeping my faith as I have always been told

Oh Lord my sighing gets harder as the days and weeks move on.

***

I crave adventures I can hardly forget

I crave a career I can never regret

I crave a love that can keep me awake

I crave a life that’s worthy of being a goal to get

How to get there is a road with no end

But I can’t seem to have any idea on the beginning yet

“What should I do?” I keep asking myself

But every day I wake with no clue to keep my heart at rest.

***

The twenties can be absolutely the hardest

Not because I’m so poor that I’m living in a nest

But being a young woman with a novel-long list of dreams

With no clue whatsoever on what step to take for the same to live

And social anxiety and fear of seeking a helping hand at least

And not enough paper to help you hold the wheel

And settling for whatever comes just to keep you at ease

Is not exactly as easy as many make it seem.

***

I feel tired just thinking about this

I want to live and feel like my days end with a mind full of peace

Inhaling and exhaling deep just to relax my nerves

When I feel like my world is heading to a dead end with all these stuff

Begging my God to shine a light at the end of my tunnel

Trying not to overthink that I can’t see and hence stumble

Taking things easy like one of my saved quotes says in one of my galleries

Having your shit together is not for the twenties.

***

~Maryann❤

Yet again…

I’m trying so much to understand, but why does it seem so hard?

I’m back just yet again, to dealing with this kind of horrible pain,

It’s so absolutely unfair, but then again life is never fair,

How is it that once again I’ve lost, and I’m back to being sad and sour,

It’s never really going to be easy, no matter how I try to not feel it.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

I’m not good at crying, but I can’t control this uncontrollable hurting,

I want to try and forget, but the memories are not close to being wanting,

What should I do then, to make it easier and not haunting,

I have no other choice, but to heal myself solely,

If I’m just patient enough, I’ll finally reach where I want desperately.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

See love is never easy, otherwise it would be so boring,

The fear of the unknown, makes it much more worth it,

Whether we like it or not, at some point we are going to have it,

Whether it’s ends so early, or it could last a whole century,

The only truth there is, we all want a taste of it.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Should I just give up, and never wait for the one I desire to show up,

Or should I just keep waiting, for the one I want to take his time arriving,

Or should I just look for him, until I exhaust my body from too much searching,

Or should I just lean on God, and wait for his blessing to come whole,

I think I should choose God, after all he knows exactly what my soul wants.

Now let me stop being too hard, on myself like this day is my last,

I’m going to cry when the tears come, and I’ll cry without feeling like I’m doing harm,

I’m gonna stare into space like I’m mad, and sigh so hard because I’m tired,

Where is that cake I very much love, red velvet is my new true love,

Moving on is my goal now, cheer me on because I’m going to win it all.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

To be honest with myself though, it was the best I’ve ever known,

I’m not sure if I’ll be this lucky, to get another love so endearing,

It was one of the best leaps, that my faith led me to believe,

I’m sure I’d have regretted not going all in, I chose to let life lead on it,

I’m proud of myself for real, how would I have known there’s something so deep?

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

The best things seem not to last, whether it’s fate or destiny I may never grasp,

They say that in life, which I know for sure it’s not a lie,

Everything happens for whatever reason, whether it’s forever or for a season,

I’m learning to embrace life’s events, good or bad to make my heart beat out of my chest,

But the truth in life’s case, love will always be the best.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

I’m too happy to have known you, it’s a beautiful heartache I’ll take in full,

Whether we meet in this life, or wait till in the next afterlife,

I’m so completely and much sure, I’d choose you over anyone with your heart so pure,

I’m still so young I can’t give up, I’m not too weak to let this cloud me up,

Gu Family Book taught me better, even an old shoe has it’s partner.

~Maryann❤

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems to be upset.”

~Saint Francis de Sales

Pet peeves

Hello there!

So, today I feel like telling you some of my pet peeves, you know, some of the things that people do that annoy me to death, things that make me feel like slapping the heck outta somebody. We all have those; some of which we just have to accept and some we just don’t have enough patience or tolerance for. I know I also do some annoying things but, well, I’m not a robot, I’m human.

Here are some of my pet peeves.

  • Slow walkers and stopping in the middle of crowded pathways
    Unless the pathway is named after you, move it!

  • Chatty people in public means of transport
    Earphones/headphones really come in handy on this one.

  • People who breathe heavily on my face
    Just stay like one meter away from me and we’ll be cool.

  • People who bash my taste of films/songs
    I’m I you? Are you me? Are you them? Do I watch you? Do you watch me? NO! So mind ya damn business.

  • Noise making while watching a movie
    Why? Just shut your pie hole will yah! I’m trying to have a good time here.

  • “Oh! You’re on your period” stupid ass guys

Keep blaming my period for every damn thing and I’m gonna bleed on everything you own.

  • When something scratches the sink

Gosh! My teeth can’t take it.

  • Attention seekers

You would be surprised by the number of people that actually care about your lack of attention. You wanna know how many? The answer is none!

  • Slow internet/buffering

I have little patience but I’m not a quitter, lets see who wins in the end, oh dear internet.

  • Listening to music without earphones/headphones in public

Who said we are bored and in need of some entertainment? Please enlighten me.

  • People who are nice to everybody… and I mean everybody

C’mon. Some people don’t deserve shit! Guard your heart and love yourself first.

  • Smokers

No. Bye!

  • Unhygienic people

That’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?

  • People who like causing fights

Do you have to be violent or yell all the time? Why can’t you talk like mature civilized people? Why?

  • Cutting in line

Yeaa! Cut the damn line! I came from home to waste my time here because I clearly have no life… I don’t have shit to do. Bring your family and relatives along if you’d love to and get served before we, who have nothing to do, but arrived in line before you.😠

  • Know-it-alls

Be humble. Sit down.

  • Being unreliable

Life entails two-way relationships. You give me 100%, you get 100%. You give me 50%, you get 0%.

  • Bashing people’s weight

Be nice. Not everyone is gonna be Khloe Kardashian or Naomi Campbell. We can’t all be a 10. You’re probably a 3 yourself so stop the bashing.

  • Hot guys

I know. I’m weird. But like 80% of hot guys are either ignorant, mean, fuckboys, show-offs… I can’t name them all, too many bad characters (out of experience). They have the weirdest flaws y’all. Who agrees with me?

  • Cat-calling

Thank you. I know I’m pretty and all but really?

  • Any kind of noise while I’m asleep

Omg! Please let me sleep in peace. Please!!

  • Horrible laughter

Yap. Some people just have very bad laughter. Y’all know yourselves. Right?

  • Sandal shoes

These shoes can’t be trusted. They’ll cut while you’re walking and you don’t have an extra pair and you’ll curse the day you bought those damned shoes.

  • Late replies

Please let me know if you don’t wanna communicate with me. I’ll gladly oblige.

  • Overly jealous boyfriends

I know you like me and all but damn boy! Chill out! Other guys are allowed to like me too. It’s not my fault I’m this cool.

  • People that hit you while laughing

Lol. Please keep your hands to yourself. Kindly.

  • Babies that cry too loud and a lot

Whoa! My little amount of patience just can’t handle it.

  • Invasion of personal space

Personal space is crucial whether it’s 10% or 90% of the time. Sometimes I just wanna be alone, watch a sad movie and cry, dance to music without anyone watching, sing along to songs although I have a croaky voice, think about my life and my dreams or maybe I just wanna sleep for 14 hours. Just let me be. Okay?

  • Endless commercials

I can’t even…

  • Sagging pants

Really? It’s 2018. Wtf?!!

***************************************************

So, what are some of your pet peeves? Leave a comment and we’ll see how much we have in common. 😄😄

23…

                      Happy birthday to me!!!❤

January 17th. Once again, the Lord has blessed me enough to make me see another year of my life. My 23 years have been a roller coaster and a walk in the park kinda experience but I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. I have made mistakes, grown and learnt a bunch of things that I’ll carry on with me to the next years of my life. Now, allow me to share what my 23 years have taught me because you know, sharing is caring.

  • Growing up is a trap. 

I remember when I was a kid, when all I cared about was playing cha mama cha baba, watching Ed Edd and Eddy and the Tellytubbies, riding my bike in the neighbourhood and swallowing food that had stayed in my mouth for 2 hours. Life was so damn easy. I had no idea which bills my parents were paying and I didn’t care because, I mean, why would the bills concern me? Then I got tired of being a child, an adolescent… all I wanted to do was grow up, get my money and leave my parents’ house. Now here I am, an adult, done with school, looking for jobs, worrying about money and budgets, making arrangements to move out and live alone… blah blah blah. Ayamtayad! I’m literally the happiest when I’m asleep. I miss my campus days when I had the luxury of going out from Monday to Monday, living in a hostel where everything was provided for, dating for fun (or so I thought). Woah! Dear young people, I’m old now. 😅Lemme give you some free advice, enjoy your younger days while you can. Don’t be in hurry to grow up! Use your parents’ money when you can and save! You’ll definitely miss it when you get old. Ujana ni moshi.

  • People come and go.

Boyfriends, girlfriends, relatives, family. Not everyone is going to move forward with you in life; you have to lose some people. There will be a time when you’ll have 10 friends and a time when you’ll have 2 friends. It’s part of growth. The beauty of life is, the world is full of people you can always meet someone new, whom you might also lose later on. Either way, it’s going to happen. So don’t worry. Those who are meant to stay will stay.

  • Caring less amounts to no stress.

Seriously. At this point in my life I could care less about a bunch of things. If you think I look like a child because I’m short, thanks. If you think I’m weird because I’m obsessed with Korean culture, I don’t do normal. If you think my facial expression looks like I’d whoop ya ass, I probably would. If my honesty irritates you, bye! I gave you the blue ticks and I’ve been online 24/7, fight me. You gave me the blue ticks, I hope you don’t miss me. If you think I’m short-tempered because I’m short, don’t try me, I’m closer to hell. It’s never that serious, my friend. The only thing that matters is giving love to those who deserve. Period.

  • The 20s are for mistakes.

The 20s are the time to make all kinds of mistakes. It’s the growth period. This is the time you get to know who you really are, what makes you clique, what makes you happy, dating a bunch of losers, doing some wack jobs, travelling to different places…et cetera. In my 30s, I’ll probably have the pressure of raising a kid or kids (I could be a quad team mama), paying countless bills, doing this and that. So, use your 20s to the fullest. They only come once.

  • Less is more.

Talk less and listen more. Wear classy not trashy. Don’t apply too much make up and end up looking like you should be in the museum. Make silent moves without telling everyone about how you wanna make ’em silent moves. Don’t pressure yourself with 30 ‘friends’ when only 3 can show up when you’re in dire need of help. Only do more when positive results are achieved. Again, we only have one life. Better make the most of it.

  • Family doesn’t have to be blood.

I know y’all can agree with me on this. Some of us communicate more with our friends than we do with our families/relatives. Your true friends are proud of your achievements, have been with you through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, while some of your relatives don’t give a damn about you, some are waiting to hear about your graduation so that they can come to you with their money problems or waiting for death to grab property. I admit I also forget about them. The point is, family entails whoever loves you for you, is there for you every time and would do anything to make sure you excel. Family doesn’t have to be defined by DNA.

  • Spend money when you can.

Sometimes we are too busy saving and saving money, working too hard, sacrificing too much…to the point that we forget that there’s more to life than getting more and more money. The thing is, we’ll all die and leave the money being used by our families, or being misused, or being fought over. Money could also be stolen/lost while you’re still alive and kicking. Spend it when you can. Travel to places you’ve never been before, eat foreign delicacies, do a bunch of fun stuff. Remember, from soil we were made, to soil we will go back.

  • Don’t overthink it. Just do it.

I can tell you that I am an expert at overthinking useless things. I could rethink about killing an ant or a bug and wonder if they could have a family waiting for them, so I just throw them outside or whatever (unless it’s a disturbing mosquito/fly then I’ll slap it’s zzzz to death); that’s the level of my overthinking. I am a person who can lose sleep over what will happen in future. I spend some of my time thinking and not living and doing. It shouldn’t be like that. We should live in the moment and hope and pray for the future. Do the things you wanna do now without overthinking whether they’ll amount to anything. We might miss out on the best things trying to figure out the unknown.

  • Take risks.

Start that business you’ve been dreaming about; it might be the best thing yet. Start that blog/vlog you’ve been postponing every now and then. Talk to that guy/girl you’ve been crushing on; they might actually like you back. Call your ex and tell them thank you for leaving you. If any of it fails, then at least you tried and won’t have to worry about the what ifs. You have to fail once in a while, then learn from the mistakes. If some people don’t like what you’re doing, that is their problem.

  • Character is everything.

I always say this. It doesn’t matter if you look like Priyanka Chopra or Dylan O’brien (I’m lying I love him till death do us part😁) or whoever you find cool/hot, it doesn’t matter if you can afford to spend 100k for a night out/trip… if your character is trash, you’re trash all round. Guys, like I said I obsess about the future and I believe sometimes it’s important to think about the future. If you get together with someone just because of worldly things or physical appearance, it’s bound to fail. If you think I’m lying, experience is always the best teacher.

  • My life is mine.

People tend to think they own you, they should have an opinion about how you should live your life, who you should be friends with, who you should date/marry, why you should laugh or cry, what job you should do or what body size you should be. Your happiness will come from you. If you battle with your own mind, and finally get depression over what people think your life should entail, well, it’s clear as day what is bound to happen. Just live your life, it’s short… unless you are the Goblin.😜

  • Leave the past where it belongs. 

Some things are better off left and forgotten. If an experience was not worthwhile, forget about it and find something better to worry about. If you lost that guy/girl to someone else, it’s probably for the best. If you didn’t get something you really wanted, it’s still probably for the best. Dwelling on the past always hinders growth and moving forward. At the end of the day, if something is yours, it will eventually come back to you.

  • Don’t be afraid to fail.

Nobody is perfect or will ever be perfect. Failure has to happen at various points in life. You fail, you learn. This is actually what I’m telling myself since I’m waiting (not really waiting I hope they come out in 2030) for my bar exam results. If I fail, I’ll just re-do the papers. After all, if you repeat something more than once it sticks in the head (me consoling myself). Failure postpones your success. The most successful people in the world failed a bunch of times before they achieved what they were aiming for. Take for example the founder of KFC, Colonel David Sanders or the creator of Harry Porter, J.K. Rowling. Check out their journeys then you’ll know what I mean.

  • Be open to new things.

Some of us have been going to the the same chill spots since BC i.e before Christ. I know, it probably feels like home, but there are other better and nicer places which won’t hurt if you go. It also won’t hurt to try new things. I actually hope to do a few things later on in life, like taking cooking classes where they teach how to cook foreign delicacies (not ugali and mukimo), baking classes and maybe learn a foreign language (which is obviously Korean). New things make life more exciting and make you hope for another day. If you are not up to doing new things and you’re just locked up in your comfort zone, get out. It will be fun and worthwhile.

  • Haters will always hate.

I would love to know my haters. The thought that somebody hates me for being me or for my achievements has a good feel to it, I can’t explain it. The best part about having haters is, if you’re my hater it means I’m on your mind. That makes me pretty special. So keep up, everybody loves knowing they’re special. Well, unless you’re planning something illegal against me then keep away from me lucifer!

  • Being young is a blessing.

If you didn’t know, I’m 23 now. You can do the math and get to know the year of birth. Now the thing is, some of y’all act like the most mature humans just because you’re a ’90, ’91, ’92 born yet we are on the same level at life; like you’re the most experienced people while the rest of us are children who look 12 and don’t need to relate with you grown ups. News flash! Any person born in the year 2000 is 18 years old now. Dear 1990 person, in 2 years you’ll be 30. I’ll be 25. You’re old. Get you a ’90 born bae and start a family, fossils one side!😂 You’ll be wishing you were me. Okay, I probably went all out there but oh well, my point is made.

  • God always first.

In all honesty, sometimes I feel like my faith has diminished greatly just because something I want doesn’t seem to work out, or maybe I lose something meaningful to me. It even gets hard for me to say a prayer because I’ll think, what for? Then I realize, I’m still here, living and surviving, taking life one step at a time. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for him. In short, put God first, no matter how hard it gets. He can never give you burdens you can’t handle.

  • If doesn’t make you happy, leave it.

Leave that stupid ass boyfriend who’s giving you hell; your man is probably in the ancestor-zone and you’re too blind to see it. Leave that job that makes you feel depressed. Leave anything that’s not adding any value to your life. I remember I quit a job that was hindering my progress and that day I just decided I’m not waking up to go to work. So I woke up at 11.00 a.m. (should have been at work by 6.30 a.m.). I dressed up in my official clothes, went to work and one of the supervisors asked me why I was that late. So I just went to straight to the point and said I’m leaving for good. Truth be told, I’ve never regreted it. This will probably sound clichè, but good mental health is paramount and it’s not something to forego just because you settled for what you don’t want. Depression is no joke. Again, it all gets back to the clichè saying, life is short.

  • Keep your love life private.

After some observation, people who really don’t know me enough either think I’m in a serious relationship or I’ve never dated in my life (I wonder why). Leaving room for people to wonder is satisfying. I know we’ve seen people post their entire love life on social media and later delete everything. Posting lovey dovey things about me and whoever I’m dating on social media doesn’t work for me, leading to everyone all up in my business. The relationship is between two people, not me, him and other noseys. However, I do like seeing couples progressing in their relationships and become goals. It all comes to preference. If it works for you, well and good. I just feel like everything that happens in your love life shouldn’t be a public concern.

  • Silence speaks volumes.

Learn to listen to silence. If someone is giving you silent treatment then you know something’s up. You can either confront the matter or leave it depending on the situation. Silence speaks the most of which cannot be seen/heard.

  • I love my flaws.

I love the fact that I obsess over the future, I’m brutally honest, impatient, short-tempered… these flaws make me real. They make me know who’s really down for me no matter how difficult I can be because they sieve out those bringing me down. Embrace your flaws. After all, not everyone has to like you.

  • True love exists.

I know some of you have probably dated some worthless human beings who made you feel irrelevant and unappreciated. You’ve been a victim of toxic relationships and situationships. You’ve now given up and have decided to revenge, play them all, fuck ’em then get some money or never give a f*ck about anyone in that manner. You just have to be patient. That’s all. Then when you find love, make an effort to keep it. Pray on it. Stop giving up just because you argued over petty things. In fact, if you don’t argue once in a while with your significant other, know that you’re very single. If you argue all the damn time…💣💣 single. My point… be patient, work on yourself in the meantime then it will find you.

Rosekook

  • Love yourself.

On this earth, the only love you are sure to be 100% honest is the one you give yourself (in addition to God’s love). If you can’t love yourself, your can’t love other people. You can’t get what you really want in life and you can’t give what you don’t have. This entails not having to sacrifice your happiness and well-being for the sake of others. It’s never a crime to think about yourself first, but don’t be selfish.

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Happy 2018 everyone!!!

P.S: I love gifts. 😄


Travel Diaries

I have had the privilege of travelling to various places in my country Kenya and it is beautiful and breath taking. My dear mother is very outgoing and she makes a point of making sure we visit new places and have fun as a family. I also try and make a point of having my own kind of adventures with my friends when I’m not so broke. Not even one of the places I’ve been to was in any way not worth it. If you love nature, like me, some of these places are places one would want to go to many times. In addition, any place with good food, good views, big ass beds and no work at all, is a source of joy to my soul. So, I’m going to name a few and point out a few things about them according to where I went, what I know about them and how I felt being there. If any of them please you, a bit more research would do.

  • Maasai Mara

I went there with my family sometime back (maybe in 2014 I’m not sure) for a safari. It was a very long exhausting journey because we used a van but who cares? It was worth it and anyway such places have big ass beds (you get it). If you wanna see The Big 5, that is the place to be. Plus who doesn’t like going on a safari? Moreover, they have nice camps to spend your stay in depending on how long you stay and they are quite affordable; but you know, better to book early before the holidays begin. We all know what happens when the holidays come.

  • Ol Pejeta Conservancy

This is East Africa’s largest Black Rhino Sanctuary, with a few white Rhinos as well. It’s found in Nanyuki. It also has other animals like The Big 5 and a chimpanzee sanctuary. If you love seeing animals, pay the Conservancy a visit. It’s pretty cool. Also, be careful when going close to the chimpanzees, if you don’t seem likeable to them, a stone will come through your way. 😅

  • Amboseli National ReserveKilima Safari Camp Mara

Just like Maasai Mara, this is another place to be. I spent my few days there in the Kilima Safari Camp in 2016 and it is breath taking. The place is so beautiful at night with the yellow lights and everything. The camps and the food are good too. There are other camps/hotels to stay in as well, depending on affordability and ones preference. The view of Mt. Kilimanjaro is pretty clear and it’s more beautiful during sunrise and sunset. Elephants are the most available animals as well as others.

  • Lake Nakuru National Park

I’ve been there several times when I was a kid and if you need some time off with your family/friends, why not go there? It’s mostly known for the flamingoes as well as monkeys, zebras etc. Worth a visit!

  • Haller Park, Mombasa

I went there in 2007 when my Primary School principal decided we as class 8 candidates deserved a treat, to relax our minds so we could perform well in our K.C.P.E. Well, it was quite a trip because I got to face my fears and had a snake on my neck for a few minutes. It wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be (the harmless ones obviously) but the feeling of it slithering slowly, part by part (of it’s body), on your skin, with it’s very soft skin, is quite something (stop making that face you should try it 😅). Anyway, it’s a park so it has wild animals, and is pretty green with tall trees. I can’t recall much about the place but it’s worth a visit that’s for sure.

  • Diani Beach, Mombasa

Did you know this beach has been voted the Best Beach in Africa, twice? I was there recently and it was the best beach for sure. I’ve been to other beaches in Mombasa, but Diani was my best. It is so clean and there are some beautiful hotels and restaurants along the beach. It’s best to go when the holidays are not near, when it’s not so crowded, then you can have a view of everything. I’m hoping to go back in future, and so should you.

  • Nairobi National Park

This park boarders Nairobi City and it has quite a number of wild animals. It’s along Lang’ata Road and the entrance fee is affordable. It’s pretty nice for a weekend out with friends/family and you should visit if you’re yet to.

  • Chaka Ranch

This is based in Nyeri and it is a good place for an outting with family and friends. If you like riding quad-bikes, Chaka Ranch is well known for that. If you want a cool ass wedding like Janet Mbugua’s, that is the place to do it.

  • Fairmont Mount Kenya Safari Club

I loved this place so much despite it being quite expensive. It is in Nyeri County. The surrounding is beautiful, the view of Mt. Kenya is clear, the food is good, there’s a golf course if you like golfing, there’s a maze, the rooms are top notch (hence being very expensive). Just so you know, President Uhuru Kenyatta spends his nights there when he’s around Nyeri in the presidential suite. Yea, it’s that cool! Too cool to not pay a visit even for just a day.

  • Lake Elementaita

This is based along the Nairobi-Nakuru highway, in Gilgil. If you want a place to just chill, relax and forget about the world 😃 and see some flamingoes in the lake, this is the place to go. There are some few hotels near the Lake so it’s quite convenient for a weekend trip.

  • Crayfish, Naivasha

This is also a nice place to go with friends/family and it’s very close to Lake Naivasha, probably a 10 minute walking distance. Most people tend to go for road trips (like I did) to this particular place as it’s quite known in Naivasha. You can spend your nights there in the hotel rooms or pitch a few tents (I stayed in a tent and it was cool). You can hang around the premises or go to the Lake depending on your preference but it’s a nice place. For the clubbing people, there’s a club there as well.💃

  • Panari Hotel, Nyahururu

Panari is known to be one of the big hotels in Kenya but I’m going to mention the one in Nyahururu. It may be quite expensive but you know, most of these nice places are never cheap. This is also close to the Thompson Falls which is even better; it’s a double treat.

  • Thompson Falls

I’ve also been there many times than I can count because it’s close to my home. This is based in Nyahururu and what I like about this place is you can go down to where the water falls, and the water is clear. One thing to note though, going down is quite easy, coming back up is so damn exhausting because the paths are muddy and some of the places are too steep. But if you are up for an adventure and a swim below the falls, it’s the go-to place.

  • Mamba Village, Mombasa

This is a crocodile sanctuary in Mombasa and proper for those who love animals. If you also want to have some tasty crocodile meat, that is the village to be 😅. The meat is not that bad actually especially if it’s made into mshkaki; the other ingredients will make it look presentable and easier to swallow if you are one of those who have a hard time accepting that crocodiles can be eaten by people (like me).

  • Nairobi Museum

I need not explain further on this because it’s a museum, it has old things 😃. But it’s quite interesting and fun seeing the preserved items in there and it’s very educative.

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I hope you get to experience what I experienced if you get the chance to go to any of the places above. Have fun while you’re at it!

Happy holidays everyone. 🍻🍾🍻

New Year Resolutions

I am not among those who sit down at a certain date in December to make/write down new year resolutions. The reason is simple. I’ll not remember or adhere to 90% of them. I think most people relate to this. I do not like promising myself that next year will be my year. I prefer waiting to see what life brings along and face it as it comes. However, there are certain aspects, or rather, resolutions, that I tend to try to adhere to in the coming years. These resolutions are made up of experiences and whatever I’ve learnt over the years. Every year we learn and experience different things, some of which are negative, some positive. Below are some of the things I’ve learnt in 2017, merged together with the previous years, and which I hope to carry on to next year and the years after. Hopefully, they will also make an impact on someone else too.

  • Your flaws make you real.

We can’t have it all in life. We can’t be perfect or have perfect lives. Being a human being entails having one or two flaws that make you real; whether it’s your accent, not being able to express your feelings, your height that makes you show your ID in clubs almost everytime even when you’re 102 years old, your acne, your plus size, your one-pack, being skinny even though you can eat two large pizzas twice a day… you name it. Trying to be perfect is against human nature because God made us imperfect, beautiful and unique. Even roses grow with thorns. Embrace your flaws and love them just like God loves them.

  • If you want to do something, do it. NOW.

Life is too short. I intend to make my days on earth worth living in any manner possible. Happiness is paramount to my existence. Whatever makes me happy is what I will strive to do, whether people understand it or not. At the end of the day, it’s my life. I’m the one living it.

  • If your personality is trash, be gone.

Sometimes you meet people who look beautiful or good-looking on the outside, judging a book by its cover. They make you dream, hope, wish, want and thrive towards being a part of their lives. Then they start talking, or you get to know them better; the cursing in each and every sentence, the bragging of a new Iphone they bought (while having a two-month rent debt), the drinking and smoking 24/7, bragging about the number of girls they’ve slept with, the hating on somebody’s body size…et cetera. Their true colours “shine bright like a diamond” and their dark souls emerge. According to me, it doesn’t matter if you look like Ryan Reynolds or Wilmer Valderrama or Park Hyung Sik or Michael Ealy. If your personality is trash, you’re TRASH all round. I’ll give zero fucks about your appearance and you need to change or disappear from my life. Period.

  • Tribalism is a NO NO.

This is a disease and the sooner we deal with it and cure it, the better. Kenyans know what I’m referring to. It annoys the crap out of me that if I want to look for a job I have to apply to a company owned by a Karanja or Chebet and not a company owned by Otieno or Mueni, just because I’m Muthoni. It beats me that some of us have to ignore and forget about any other tribe other than our own so as to obtain blessings from our families to get married; as if Raila/Uhuru is going to contribute to the dowry or be present at the birth of our children or deal with our marital problems. Politics should be left to the politicians and should not affect your personal life, your happiness and your whole existence. Tribalism is stupid and I won’t be part of it. Whether people think I’m being naive is not my concern.

  • If you wanna travel to (insert place), Go. Like Yesterday.

My friends and I had been hoping to visit Mombasa soon after the bar exams on 1st December. However, due to the busy year, we made no arrangements whatsoever apart from informing our parents about the trip and hoping they don’t change their minds, because you know, funds and everything. After the bar exams, we had no idea where we would stay in Mombasa, we hadn’t booked the means of transport we were to use, we had not done any shopping… in short, nothing was done. We weren’t sure that trip was going to happen. But within a week, everything was done and we went to Ukunda (Mombasa). There was no way we were gonna let go of that trip even if the SGR was totally booked till after Christmas and the flights were not affordable/available. We took a bus, went to Coast and the 3 days were worth it. So, pack your bags and travel to wherever you want to go. It will be worth it. Furthermore, the best experiences are the ones you never saw coming.

  • Never give up on love.

This might be clichè or meaningless to some people but, love exists. True love exists. I have seen people have it so I know. Even if your heart is broken too many times, don’t give up. The One is out there probably having their time wasted by someone else, or they’re wasting someone else’s time, or trying to build themselves first, or just trying to find you. You have to kiss a few frogs before prince charming shows up. At the end of the day, if two people are meant to be, life will always bring them together.

  • Getting through law school is a miracle.

Let me just say that being in law school will make you feel a lot of things. It made me feel like I do not belong there, depressed, like I should have done Travel and Tourism, I should leave school and just get married to any rich guy that likes me. I started fishing for my talents that I should consider making use of. I would look through Vera Sidika’s and Huddah’s Instagram accounts and think hard 😅. I’m serious. If you get through law school, thank God, hope for the best and know you can overcome any storm.

  • Enjoy being alone.

I love being alone most of the time. It gives me a chance to be ugly, read a novel, dress like I’m homeless, watch my Korean Dramas and listen to Kpop, update my blog, watch weird stuff on Youtube, sleep, binge-watch movies, do some shopping at my own pace and liking etc. It’s refreshing and it gives me space to do things I love without being judged or having any destructions. This applies to when you are single as well. It’s an opportunity to love and worry about just you and not which bitches he might be texting or DMing on Instagram. Learn to enjoy your own company.

  • Count your blessings.

2017 is coming to an end and I’m still alive and healthy. I’ve not been bed ridden at any point. I’ve had a good time with my friends and I’ve overcome a few storms. I’ve gained and lost important people in my life. I have loved and been loved. Now, these are blessings I do not take for granted. God has been there as always. What more could I ask for?

  • Strive to be happy.

Last but not least, be happy. Love yourself, do what you want to do, laugh all you want, have a good time with your friends and family, travel, eat good food, get tipsy sometimes, work out, dance to every kind of music, get enough sleep, do crazy but fun things, apply for that job you’ve been aiming for, spend money, fall in love and pray. Life is too short. Dont worry. Be happy.😁

🍻🍾🍻🍾🍻. To a good life.

Just a phase…

Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo

I was going to give this article a title like ‘Love’ or ‘Relationships’ but it seemed way too clichè to me. What I want to write about anyway is relationships and situationships. Love and relationships go hand in hand while situationships are just different and just wrong. I guarantee that like 90% (my statistics) of today’s generation, the 21st Century, somebody has been in at least one or two situationships or one or two relationships that lasted however long.

The 21st Century is the millenial era where all most young people care about is showing off on Instagram, getting likes and followers on Instagram, dating the hottest/coolest guys or girls just to show off, Snapchatting about clubbing nights with coolest crews and expensive booze in high level clubs, getting big butts and boobs… just to mention a few. I’m not about to shade anyone but this is the exact truth.

Lets talk about “ships” with regard to relations and situations. In this 21st Century, it is almost as hard as passing the bar exams, to find a lifetime partner. If you don’t know how hard it is to pass those exams, be woke 😁. In this era, some people get married at 40 just because The One is nowhere to be found or doesn’t want to be found because of their fake egoistic and narcissistic characteristics. I know this because well, I’ve had my share of failed “loves” and I have observed what people go through in these millenial relationships. I have seen some of my friends and just people generally, be in toxic relationships and others in stupid and destructive situationships. Some of the situationships actually begin with the friends-with-benefits belief or agreement until one of the two develops feelings for the other.

Bae Suzy, While you were sleeping

Situationships. It’s one of the worst norms adapted to these days. Most guys just want to have ‘baes’ to hang out with, drink, go for roadtrips, roast the broomstick; nothing more nothing less. Most of these guys are met in clubs, roadtrips or entertainment events. It’s no new story that a girl could go to a club, meet a cute/hot guy, the guy buys a few shots and cocktails, they start talking and they click, make out the whole night, exchange contacts and they both feel the excitement of ‘OMG! I hit the jackpot’, depending on their intentions. From then on the situationship begins, stupidity starts to kick in and the girl starts visualizing their long-term relationship with the guy and how much fun it would be. So the communication begins, the entire day and late night chats, the ‘Hi Baby’ calls become frequent; this happens within 2 weeks. The girl’s excitement gets worse and the long-term relationship becomes marriage, 3 kids and growing old together. The feeling is too good to be true that she can’t help but see the rest of her days on earth with the guy. So a meet up or two happen and finally she decides, he deserves it. So they do the hokey pokey. After doing the lust and thrust, suddenly the calls and texts become less and less everyday, they only come when he needs more grand slam. Then she decides to ask the big question, “What are we?” and the answer or no answer hits her like a nail on the head. She becomes so heartbroken, her “marriage” falls apart and she’s left thinking, ‘All men are dogs.’ I don’t like the comparison of such men to dogs, hyena is the go-to word. Dogs are freaking loyal that statement makes no sense to me.

Now lets talk relationships. 80% (again, my statistics) of the millenials don’t have a clue as to what relationships or love entail. Like I said, relationships and love go hand in hand. These are not like situationships, these are real relationships. The difference is, these kinda ‘ships’ are entered into either because Instagram people need to know the happiness and joy that one has lol, floss on the gram to be the ‘goals’ everyone should focus on, or influence from peers, or the fear of being lonely after seeing all those cute couple goals on the internet. Peeps in these kind of relationships can’t sit down and hold a simple conversation about life because they have nothing relevant to bring to the table. One finds themselves believing they’re in love with their partners, do wifely duties and use their savings to please the other. This is till one gets tired of the other and cheating begins, then the cheating comes to light and heartbreaks follow, pointless revenge tactics or conclusions on how ‘men are dogs’.

This feeling sucks

The same ships apply to guys as well. Millenial ladies just want well established guys who have money whether old or young, a nice beard, a buff chest, a car or cars, can take them to lunch or dinner to Brew Bistro or Tribe, go for a couple weekend trip to Watamu… just to name but a few. Again, no shade, just the reality. This will only hurt if the shoe fits.

I have been in such ships before, I have married and had kids with guys in my head (which is pretty laughable), I have wanted to have a rich guy date me, flossed on the gram etc. It’s part of being young and stupid. This is until I grew up and realized…jeez, I am too deserving of better. These relation and situationships are bad and good in certain aspects. They are bad in that they could affect one’s view on love and relationships, and good because you learn, A LOT, about what guys/girls to keep an eye on and those who should back-off.

The thing is, such experiences should be for JUST A PHASE. A phase where one wants to date hot and rich guys or babes, hang out with the baddest crews and be one of those popular kids. It gets to a point when one needs to grow up and choose who adds value to their life and who makes them better. Lucky are those who find true love while young and don’t know what toxic relationships and situationships feel like. Then there’s the rest of us who’ve seen the bad, the worse and the worst. I believe such decisions and mistakes are part of a phase of being young and reckless. Unfortunately, even in their 30s and 40s, some just want to act immature, young and stupid. For the young people, the above is inevitable but people should learn to make mistakes that don’t have a negative impact on somebody’s life or their own lives. It is normally said, better to be alone and happy than be with someone who makes you feel alone and depressed (something like that).


I certainly changed, became wiser and started longing for what makes sense, dating to marry kinda thing. I stopped focusing on looks and material things a guy could offer me and started looking more into what the guy’s character is and how he treats me, more like how I deserve to be treated; like the Queen I think I am.😁 It’s either you want me for the long run or be gone. For the most part, I realized not all guys are hyenas😉. I wish the ’80s kind of love would be reincarnated, which was more or less, the goals kinda love. It’s safe to say, it is best if you date/marry your BESTFRIEND, who is weird like you or weider, knows you in and out, wants you at your best and your worst, motivates you to follow your dreams, makes you a priority, makes an effort to make you a part of their lives and most of all, LOVES you. When the time comes and the children are older and married, you’re left alone with your significant other, you retire, both your sex drives become low… then you’ll have your friendship to hold on to and keep going, till death do you part. That should be more than enough.


I’ll stop here for now. Until next time.✌

Cheers! To finding what’s REAL.🍻🍾🍻